About me

You're probably wondering... Who are you? What makes you tick? Do you put your pants on one leg at a time?

The answer to all those questions is Yes!

I'm a simple man, amused by simple things. I like to skip shaving for a few days for the sole purpose of rubbing my chin on my girlfriend's forehead. I prefer that she call me her manfriend as opposed to boyfriend.
I don't eat vegetables or fruit.
I believe that there's nothing so horrible that it can't be laughed at.
I like junk food, video games, and comic books. I'm sort of like Peter Pan only I don't wear tights and run around with little boys all day. Seriously, how creepy is that guy?
I created this blog so that after I die in a violent shootout with the FBI, my friends can come here and it will be like having a conversation with me, without the awkward moments where I've made one too many jokes about cooking a baby.
Actually, those will still be here.

One thing I love is going to Target. Lately though, as we get nearer to the time when all the offspring have to go back to school, it's really crowded. Mostly with said offspring and the parents that bred them. I think my friends with kids are good parents, and their kids will grow up to not be hooligans and a drain on society. However for 95% of the world this is not true. Most breeders do not teach their spawn things like look where you're walking and the world is not your playground. I could be in a great mood, happily walking through the aisles buying vitamins to compensate for my diet, and then some little urchin will either bump into me or cut me off forcing me to slam the brakes on my oversized plastic cart, and then for the rest of my errand it's just rage and turmoil. Granted, at any given time there's a river of rage just below the surface, but these run ins with the younger generation really make it worse.

It's not that I hate children, just the anonymous ones that I don't know. Why can't they work in the factories anymore? And why do they cry so much? I just don't get it. Which is why, I'm pleased to announce to the planet, that I have no plans on reproducing. I may one day change my mind and adopt an orphan from Greenland, but the idea of being a dad scares the crap out of me. I'm far too jealous to be a good one. Are you kidding me? My wife would have to pay attention to another living creature that wasn't me? (God help the poor woman that settles for, I mean marries me)

In closing, friends... you are awesome parents and I don't know how you do it, your kids are pretty great too. The rest of the world... not so much. Me... kids? Let's hope not, that might be one of the final plagues on the earth.

I'm rambling again. Sorry.

Ok, So it's time to read comic books before going to sleep.

Is it sad that the highlight of my week is Wednesday when the new comic books come out?